Divorce is not a bad word

Media credit: www.daylife.com

Time Magazine recently featured a story about Nujood Ali, a divorcee from Yemen. This story is remarkable because Ali is just 10 years old. She was forced into an arranged marriage with a man 30 years her senior whom she had never met.

On a daily basis, Ali’s husband raped and beat her. She constantly begged her parents to put an end to the marriage, but they did nothing. Ali took it upon herself to go the courthouse in downtown Sanaa, the capital city, to file for a divorce.

Ali succeeded, and has since inspired other young girls in Yemen and other countries to file for divorces as well from their abusive older husbands.

Divorce has always had a negative stigma attached to it. Even today, people still see it as something to be ashamed of, especially in America where more than 50 percent of marriages fall apart. For those who have gotten divorced, they are often perceived as failures, or too weak to have made their marriages work.

However, when we read stories like Ali’s, we realize that divorce isn’t all bad. The fact that this girl was able to break away from a horrible marriage helps those of us with skewed views on divorce realize what it’s actually about: freedom. Freedom to choose with whom you want to spend your life and freedom to live your life in a way that is healthy and happy.

More women becoming breadwinners as men get laid off

A recent story in the New York Times revealed a surprising statistic—for the first time in American history women are on the brink of making more money in the labor force than men.

The article explains that males have taken the brunt of the economic recession, with 82 percent of the layoffs in the U.S. terminating the jobs of men.

It makes sense because two of the industries that have been hit the hardest are construction and manufacturing, which are male-dominated fields. Conversely, human service fields that are always in need of employees are predominately worked by women, and are thus less likely to be laid off.

As a result, more women are finding themselves the breadwinners of their families, and more men are staying home to take care of children and tend to the household chores.

Media credit: University of Texas website www.utexas.edu

The article suggests that a prolonged economic recession with millions of lay offs such as this could not only affect the way families budget their finances, but could alter traditional gender roles.

The men in this article seem determined to find a new job as quickly as possible. I wonder if they are anxious to contribute to the household income, if they are simply just bored without a job or if they don’t like the stigma attached to being unemployed while their wives are working.

With increasing numbers of men losing their jobs and more women supporting their families, perhaps eventually more men will find it acceptable to be “stay at home dads” or “house husbands.” There are some out there already, but not enough for them to be considered the norm. We’ll see what happens.

ABC Family show challenges family norms

ABC Family’s new television series “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” has become an instant success, with almost four million viewers tuned in every Monday night. The show revolves around the challenges a pregnant high school student faces each day with her friends and family.

The controversial new show.

Many parents worry that the show encourages teen sex, drinking and other unsavory behavior. Paul Lee, president of ABC Family asserts in a Los Angeles Times article that the show depicts the reality that many families in America face.

So many television series portray perfect families with ideal relationships that just aren’t plausible, and most viewers can’t relate. “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” tackles real life issues including: teen pregnancy, teen sex, homosexuality, adoption, divorce, infidelity, molestation, drugs, alcohol and more.

There is no question that this show is controversial and challenges the traditional social norms of the American family. However, I think it’s about time that a television series actually shows a family with realistic problems and ways of handling them.

I admit, at times the show is a little over the top. Some of the predicaments the characters find themselves in are a little crazy. Overall though, the series deals with important real world issues, and at the end of every show there is a public service announcement regarding a subject matter that was dealt with in the show.

I think it will be interesting to watch America’s reaction to the show as the series progresses.

Mother of octuplets: did her doctor do the right thing?

Media credit: AP Photo/NBC

The California mother who gave birth to octuplets last month has been under a lot of scrutiny by the press. Nadya Suleman, 33 gave birth to eight babies after undergoing in vitro fertilization (IVF). Ms. Suleman’s fertility doctor transferred six frozen embryos into her womb, while they were both aware that it could result in multiple births.

Many fertility doctors find it troubling that Ms. Suleman’s doctor did this. Even Suleman’s own mother is upset at her daughter’s decision, as the Web MD article reports.

While she already had six children through IVF, she wanted more. Apparently, due to health problems, both Ms. Suleman and her doctor didn’t think that all six embryos would implant, let alone eight—after two split. But they did. And now she has 14 kids.

 The press seem to focus on the fact that she is unmarried, unemployed and living with her parents. Is that the real reason so many people are troubled by this? If Ms. Suleman were married, employed and lived in her own house, would people be as outraged by her decision to have so many children? Probably not.

I’m not trying to defend the decision of this mother, she made a poor choice. I believe that someone should be financially stable before they have children, so that they can properly care for them.  However, this article raises a more important concern aside from if someone can provide for her family or not.

The deeper question here is: should IVF and similar treatments be available to women in a position such as Ms. Suleman’s? If someone already has six children, do they really need help in having more?

The world is overpopulated, and perhaps such treatments should be saved for infertile women who yearn to have at least one child.

More single women choosing to adopt

Media Credit: The New York Times

A particularly interesting article in the New York Times recently discusses a new movement of middle-aged, college-educated single women adopting children.  The article explains how many of these women had always planned on having a family, and many of them proceeded to do so, even after having no luck in finding a mate.

 

Every person has a different definition of what “family” means to them.  In the past, the only acceptable characterization of a family was nuclear: consisting of a married man and woman and their biological children.  The majority of people still consider that to be the quintessential family structure.  However, as times change, so do peoples’ minds.

Various elements come into play that many people view as challenging the nuclear family structure, some of which are: divorce, homosexuality, couples who opt not to have children, medical technologies and adoption.  Without a doubt, these factors reshape the “family” as we know it.

Adoption continues to increase in popularity, especially with celebrities like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie who make it chic.  As the numbers of couples married and unmarried, straight and homosexual who adopt children continue to rise, another pattern has emerged: single women who adopt.

As they see it, why should they give up on their dream of having a family simply because they never found a life partner with whom to have children?  So, one may question: does a single woman who adopts become a family with her child ?  In my opinion, yes.  They may not appear to be a traditional family, but who are we to judge what constitutes one or not?

I applaud these women.  With all of the dedication they have shown their adopted children, they make wonderful mothers and provide a loving and stable home—sounds like the makings of a family to me. 

Raising a large family: it’s harder now

The Chicago Tribune article Big families cope with troubled economy discusses the plight of two different Iowa families: the Hobbses  raising six children and the Cvrks raising seven.  The article allows a glimpse into the lives of these people, and their struggle to support their families during this time of awful economic recession.

 

In the days of agricultural-based societies, having many children was convenient.  Each child played an important role in helping the home function efficiently.  By having numerous children, parents obtained free labor and help with running the family business.  The sons and daughters also contributed to chores and aided in raising their brothers and sisters. 

 

In a world where it is more expensive to raise a child than ever, many people opt to have fewer children, if any at all.  But that’s not always the case, as some families choose to have a lot of children.  However, large families today are formed for different reasons than those of our ancestors’ time, and they face new kinds of challenges.

 

What stood out about this article is that neither the Hobbses nor the Cvrks complained about their situation.  In a time where so many people have money problems and no hopes for the future, the fact that these large families trudge on with high spirits should serve as an inspiration to all of us.